Seth Cockfield

comedian | Brooklyn, NY

Welcome to the website of stand-up comedian Seth Cockfield.

Last Day Hijinks

I remember my last day of fifth grade, Mrs. Gross’ class, I didn’t really know what abortion was, but I knew that adults thought it was horrible, so when everyone was eagerly awaiting the bell to ring, and the seconds were ticking down for what seemed like an eternity, and as kids were saying things like “come on!” and “ding already!”, I decided to trump them all and yell out “THIS IS WORSE THAN ABORTION!”

At that moment, Mrs. Gross’ face went ghostly white. She could hardly say my name, she was so angry. Before she could ask me what the fuck I was thinking, the bell rang, and I peaced out of there as quick as I could. 

I didn’t learn what it meant until way later. She must’ve thought I was a complete sociopath. Shows how well that Catholic education taught me!